OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
