On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Randomize
