Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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