Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Randomize
