this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
