Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
