my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
