Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
