Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Who wears a wallet chain?!
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
