Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
