I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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