I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
