apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
