Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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