are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
