Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Randomize
