if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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