i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
