My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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