i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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