i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
