you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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