I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
