Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
