and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
