the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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