Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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