you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I need a beard to bite.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
