phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
