For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
