You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
