I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Randomize