I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
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