If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
