Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
