The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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