my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
