But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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