Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
