I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize