so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
