we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
