I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Just high enough for therapy.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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