i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
