Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
