He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
ttyl tear gas
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
