The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
the liver wants what the liver wants
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
