a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
