Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
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