i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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