Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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