Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
