Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
