I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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