after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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