I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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