anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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