Your face is a jimmy john
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
