I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
