i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
