He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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