why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize