you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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