Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
