i can't believe i had my finger in that
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
