if i can run in heels then i can drive
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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