After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
