dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
