Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
