My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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