Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
