I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
