Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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