I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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