I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
