i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
a search helicopter?!
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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