So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
