I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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